Finding Confidence as an Artist: A Rich Dialogue from a Group of Creatives
Hello all,
I recently moderated and facilitated a discussion about finding confidence as an artist via a Zoom art group that I am in. With the help of some amazing admins, we had an over 3-hour dialogue about the struggles we face as creatives and people and what we do to cultivate the confidence to take the next best step in our lives. I wanted to take the time to write down my talking points and put them up in this blog for people to be able to reference whenever they need a reminder of their own greatness. I will also be sharing some of the great points brought up by the other artists participating in this amazing discussion. So, the format for this post will be in 2 parts: I will begin with the 8 talking points I listed to start the discussion, and part 2 will be the artists’ contributions.
Wherever you are, grab a notepad and a cup of tea or coffee…. Or whatever you like to drink when you read. Get cozy. This is a long post, so maybe bookmark it if it becomes too much to read in one sitting. I hope this post brings you lots of blessings and clarity. I've also bolded and underlined the key points so that if you wanted to scroll through and write a list, you totally could.
*PART 1*
8 tips for finding confidence as an artist- what I’ve learned from over 10 years as a pro:
Confidence is gained by doing and learning. As kids, we tend to be more fearless and less judgmental of ourselves and even our friends. We go through life with this confidence just doing what we want to do because it is fun. Play is priority, and that allows us to explore and expand. As we get older, society tells us to grow up, to be responsible, and to stop being a kid. I am here to tell you can be an adult and still dig deep and find that inner child again because that is where your confidence really begins. That inner child is who you really are and serves as your guide to your path in life. I recently listened to an interview of freestyle rapper Harry Mack on Lewis Howes’ “School of Greatness” podcast, and he talked about how a child finger-painting isn’t worried if what they are doing is wrong or if it looks bad or if it sucks. They just really want to engage with the creative process and finger paint. They aren’t worried about the opinions of society, and thus propel forward in their activities with gusto because they don’t need to ask permission from anyone to be themselves. I am asking you today to give yourself permission to be yourself and to do and learn the things that will help you continue to build your confidence. You don’t need to ask anyone else for that. The answer is within yourself.
Don’t compare yourself to others. I recently heard this described as “comparisonitis,” and what a terrible illness it is! Each one of us is a unique being in this world with a unique story to tell that only each of us can tell in our own special way. Comparing yourself to others robs you of your greatness and your own story. It also does a disservice to the people that you will meet in your life that are there to receive your message in the way YOU deliver it. Everyone is living in a different set of circumstances and traveling on a different path. You may run into each other along the way, but no two paths are identical. In this day and age of social media madness, it is so easy to see the “highlight reel” everyone posts and think that they have it so great. You start to ask, “Why can’t I get there? What am I doing wrong?” But remember, it’s a highlight reel, and what do highlight reels do? They highlight the best parts. Life is full of the best parts and also the scary parts or the hard parts. That’s real life, and that is the human condition. People focus on the greatness of others because it really shines bright, but the danger in doing that is that they forget that the light that shines can only shine because of the darkness it has had to cast out. Every story of greatness has its dark routes, and this is where we see the resilience of the human spirit.
Follow your gut and what feels natural for you. It has been said time and time again; just be yourself. It seems so simple right? But in a world that is constantly bombarding you with beauty standards, impossible expectations, and empty promises, being yourself has become an act of rebellion. We feel like we need to fit in the boxes that our friends and family want us to fit in…. that society tells us to fit in because it’s “the way”.... that statistics and data tell us to fit in because conventional wisdom and logic say it is so…. Many of these people and narratives are very well meaning in their suggestions and advice, but at the end of the day these words come from conditioning that started in childhood and was not questioned, challenged, or changed. That conditioning runs so deep that when you decide to go against it, it feels like an insult to a lot of people. All of this then makes it really hard to find the courage to make the decision to step into who you REALLY are. But I am here to tell you that you can do it. And you need to do it…. Because the world needs the real you, not the fake and outwardly constructed version of you.
Face the fear and do it anyway. Every great thing anyone has ever done in this life has come on the other side of fear and logic. Ruby Bridges believed in the integration of schools, and thus faced her fears and made the illogical decision to go against what a large part of society thought at the time. We have aircraft today because the Wright Brothers had the crazy idea that humans could fly through the sky in a vessel capable of taking them from point A to point B. Patti LaBelle recently stated in an interview that she still gets really nervous when she is about to perform!!! Patti freakin’ LaBelle!!! But guess what? She still goes out on that stage and commands it because she is Patti. Freaking. LaBelle. At their core, these courageous people knew who they were and who they wanted to become, and when faced with fears and the noise of criticism, they chose to do it anyway. Another great example is Steve Jobs. Cell phones changed forever because he thought it possible that a device could be a phone, a gps, a camera, a computer, and a music player all in one. That magic little slab of glass, chips, and processors in your pocket was made possible because one man literally said, “Screw it, I have a VISION for the future.” What is your vision, and how can you face the fear that is stopping you from making it a reality right now, in this moment? If it’s making that phone call, sending that email, writing that post (me! I was afraid to write this) or hopping on that Instagram live to speak your spirit, go do it. Right now.
Ask questions! If you have a question, chances are several other people have the same question, and they may also be afraid to ask that question! But you don’t know what you don’t know. Thus, the only way to know is to decide to be a lifelong learner and ask the questions that come to mind without worrying about feeling silly. My fifth-grade teacher, Mrs. Anderson, taught us that there are no stupid questions. What she did by saying and repeating “there are no stupid questions” was create a safe environment for learning and also foster in her students a sense of curiosity. That curiosity fueled us to explore and to be creative in and out of the classroom. Find people in your field who know more than you, and reach out respectfully via email, a visit, a phone call, or whatever way is possible to ask them important questions. If you can’t speak to them directly, the next best thing is to study their work, their business, and their mission. Take notes. Ask questions. Be observant, but remember, do not compare yourself to them. You are observing to learn, not to bring yourself down.
Don’t focus on rejection. I know that when you get that rejection email or hear a no for that show proposal, rejection really burns. I’ve been there more times than I can count. What helped me turn it around was reframing my mental conversation about what rejection means. It is literally just a “no.” It is not a metric of my self-worth. It is not indicative of who I am as a person. It is not the defining factor of my existence or purpose on this planet. It is simply a no. I then took this one step further and began reframing the way I spoke to myself about “failure.” Failure is such a scary word, but it doesn’t have to be. If you can train your mind to perceive failure as a lesson learned and an opportunity rather than the way it is typically perceived, which is that it is somehow a reflection of you, then you will find that you are more easily able to get past the "no's" and the mishaps of life. Sometimes things will not work out, and that’s just the way it is. You have the power to look at that painting that didn’t work out or that exhibition that you didn’t get into as just a part of your journey rather than a metric of who you are as a person. Who you are is greatness, and nothing can rob that from you except you. Don’t rob yourself by participating in negative self-talk when rejection and failure come knockin’. Meet them at the door with a cup of coffee and ask, “What are you teaching me today?”
Do not attach your self-worth to your own work. Yes, you may live, breathe, and sleep art every moment of your life. But you are not your work. Your work is an expression of your soul, but it is not your soul. It isn’t you. So often (and I have done this as well), I see artists get so down on themselves when their work isn’t coming out how they want, or it isn’t selling, or it’s just not where they want it to be. I am here to remind you that this gap you see from where you are to where you want to be is actually all part of the process of learning to be great in your profession. We all have a vision of what we want our work to look like, and we know what we want to say, but we don’t know all the steps of how to get there. It’s like driving a car at night. You can see what the headlights show you, but the rest of that path is entirely unknown. You only see it as you progress down that road. Making art is the same way. The more you make, the more things become clear, the more your skill improves, and the smaller that gap gets between where you are and where you want your work to be. Having said this then, please understand that your work is not you. The fact that you can’t quite get those hands drawn right or that face still isn’t making you say, “Wow that’s good!” doesn’t mean you suck as a person. You are learning something new, and with that comes a stage of unknowns that you have to navigate. It’s normal. Embrace it and have fun learning. Having fun makes the work that people connect to and want to buy.
Surround yourself with people who lift you up. I cannot stress this enough! Surround yourself with like-minded and like-hearted people who respect you and want the best for you… but in a way that DOESN’T clip your wings. You don’t want to be a bird in a cage. You want to fly. This Zoom art group that I facilitated this discussion for is this kind of community for me. Since joining them as they make art and talk about their projects and their struggles, it has made me grow immensely as an artist and a person. I am, by nature, a very introverted person. I was bullied so much in school that it made me lose myself and nearly silenced my voice. I struggled understanding the importance of community or even wanting to engage in it, because all I saw back then was the cruelty of people who relished every opportunity to make me feel small. As I grew up and realized that life is meant to be shared with others, my perspective on community changed. I realized it is a necessary component of success and happiness. When creatives join together in these groups, magic happens, ideas flow, and people grow. We leave behind the tatters of lives past so that we can step into brighter futures. As you find this community for yourself, have the self-respect and self-care to also set boundaries for those who do not see your vision. Don’t let those people into your creative sanctuary. You can love them and respect them, but you don’t have to let them break you down. Be firm in those boundaries and be open to finding “your people.”
*PART 2*
Are you still with me? If you are, congrats! I feel like I’ve already written a small book! I promise, if you can read a little longer, it will be worth it! My art friends had some golden wisdom to share.
Part 2 is a compilation of what some of the other artists in this group mentioned. I will leave their names out for the sake of privacy, but I want to share what they said because it has an impact.
Celebrate your victories. Too often, we look at our work and focus on the parts of it that look off or are not to our standards, but we do not step back to look at the bigger picture: we created a work of art that did not exist. We made something that is unique to ourselves and our stories, and this is of utmost importance to remember. Celebrate your wins and your progress in a healthy way by acknowledging your learning journey and being confident when others engage with and ask about your work. Don’t tell them, “Oh well it’s not that big of a deal.” Instead, try saying, “Thank you. I really appreciate your kindness.” That is my answer now in my career. I find that it helps me remind myself that I know a whole hell of a lot when it comes to being an artist, that this knowledge matters, and that people connect with my confidence and my work. That leads to more and better work.
Trust the process. All art is an act of creation from nothing to something. It did not exist, and thus it must be formed. Formation is a series of changes and rearrangements, and that process comes with “ugly” phases and confusing stages. At first, these stages are really hard to work with because your skill isn’t quite catching up to your vision. Yet, the only way for those 2 things to meet is to work with this ugly stage. It’s actually a gift in disguise. If you can muster the courage and stillness of mind to say, “I don’t know where this is going just yet, but I do know I can work it out,” trust me, you will one day look at that ugly stage and feel a glowing confidence that you can push through it. Remember what I said about the car and the headlights? You know your destination. Let the headlights of your experiences, practice, and openness to learning lead the way for you. Trust your inner knowing, and do not be afraid to try new things. Art is fun. Don’t let it be scary. One thing I did to combat my fear of the ugly stage was to go against the conventional wisdom of not letting people see that stage. Instead, I decided to post work in progress pictures on social media to tell people, “Hey, I may have been painting for a really long time, but my work still looks really janky a lot of the time. That’s normal!” I want people to know that the ugly stage is part of art and life. It will get better.
Make art for you. At the end of the day, if you don’t enjoy the work, you make or find any sort of enjoyment in the process of making work, people will know. People smell bullshit miles away. They smell inauthenticity. Always remember to stay true to yourself when making your work. Also remember that not everyone has to see what you make either if you don’t want that! It is perfectly healthy and necessary to engage in a creative process or project that solely exists for the purposes of nurturing you and you alone. Never, ever lose sight of that.
Time is your friend. Time comes with wisdom, experience, lessons, knowledge, peace…. In time, you will grow confidence by doing and learning. In time, you will find that the opinions of others do not matter to you anymore because you are concerned with you, not anyone else. In time, you will be comfortable dealing with the unknowns of the creative process because you are grounded in who you are not only as an artist but also as a person. In time, you will become the “art sage” and flow through those rivers of creation as effortlessly as the leaf that gently sits atop the moving waters.
Learn to say no. In the beginning, saying yes to opportunities is important because it helps you grow and learn. But never forget that saying no is also just as important. If an opportunity or request doesn’t align with what you want for your life, learn to say no. If it seems more trouble than it is worth or can come back to bite you in the ass later, learn to say no. No is just as, possibly even more important than, a yes. No also clears the way for bigger and better opportunities by teaching you to reserve that energy and creativity for the things that really matter to you. Saying no is also self-care. You do not want to spread yourself so thin that you end up pouring from an empty cup and making half assed work that is not representative of your high caliber of quality. Learn to say no for your own sanity and growth. Be firm with this boundary, as it is literally life sustaining.
Embrace the awkward. Listen, we are human beings. We aren’t perfect. Sometimes we open our mouths to say one thing, and something completely different and backwards comes out. It’s part of life. Don’t focus on that fear, because then every interaction you have with others is going to have this immense amount of pressure on it that will definitely make you say something you’ll be thinking about while you drink your morning coffee seven years later. I’ve done it, you’ve done it, we’ve all done it. Give yourself some grace, and accept that we're all out here just trying our best. Our best shifts from day to day, and that's ok.
Take action. Ask yourself what the next best step is and take it. Don't focus on the negatives or the possibility of failure. When you do that, when you focus on the bad outcomes and don't take action, you've failed by default because you didn't make a choice. Action leads to learning which leads to confidence. Confidence is grown by learning and doing. You need to take action and walk towards your goals with the inner knowing that you just have to get to the next step… and the next one will unfold after that. So on, and so forth…
Skill + preparedness + experience = confidence. Practicing your skills will prepare you and help you build the experience to gain the opportunities that continue to build confidence, and that confidence then continues to pour right back into your skills, your preparation, and your experience. It's the creative circle of success.
Realize that you can control things, and realize what you can't control. In life there are things within your grasp that you have power over. Things like mindset, saying yes or no, setting boundaries, eating well, sending that email, asking for what you want are all things you have direct control over. Identify the areas in your life that you can shape to your standards and focus on that. Accept the parts of life that are out of your control, and try not to worry about them. Wayne Dyer said it best, "If you can fix it, why worry? If you can't, why worry?" Worry, scientifically speaking, is mostly a currently useless mechanism from our caveman days. Back then, the predators were huge and everywhere, and survival in an extremely unpredictable environment was the priority. Today, things are not that scary. So, focus on what you can do to make your life what you want it to be. The rest will take care of itself.
Train your mind to have a growth mindset. When something goes wrong or not quite how you planned, ask yourself what you can learn from it instead of engaging in destructive self-talk about how you're the worst ever. If you don't know this about me yet, I want to tell you that I've been working in the public school system part time for about 10 years. In that time, I've seen classrooms put up posters encouraging growth mindset by using phrases that look at "mistakes" and "failures" as necessary components for enriched learning. What this does is show students that it is ok to not know everything and that it's actually human to not know everything. And it also teaches them to train themselves in the capacity to think from a perspective of lifelong learning that embraces change. Be a lifelong learner, and extend yourself the same grace and compassion that you extend to others.
There is always an audience of one. Don't focus on the crowds or hundreds, thousands, or millions of sets of eyes that are out there looking at you. Don't focus on the negative opinions of others and the trolls that inevitably crawl out of the woodwork once you start putting yourself and your work out there. Instead, remember the audience of one. There's always, always at least one person out there when you're doing your thing on your artistic journey that is watching and is inspired by the steps you take as you walk into your greatness. This is a powerful and impactful perspective and position for you to be in. You've changed a life by doing the things that speak to your soul! That person then creates a ripple in this sea of time, sharing the way you inspired them to others who are looking for guidance. And before you know it, so many people are impacted because you shared what you love to do with that audience of one. This, for me, is a guidepost in the way I've chosen to live my life now. If my art, or my writing, or my speaking, or my honesty can help someone embrace their own journey and take the next best step for them, then I've accomplished my life goal of making the world a better place. And the neat thing about speaking to the audience of one is that when you make the decision to step into your greatness, a barrier breaks that allows others to follow you, learn from you, and carry your legacy. What a deeply profound and wonderful thing that is!
Alright, if you've made it this far, you're a badass, and I love you. I've basically written a small book here by just hanging out with a cool group of friends and engaging in dialogue that is supportive. See? Community with the people who support you is literally the magic of life.
I'll leave you with this quote from Emmanuel Acho, former NFL player turned author, show host, creator of Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man, and sports analyst… Acho says this about being illogical and living your best life:
"Being illogical is believing that it is so, even when it is not so, so that it can BE so."
Believe in yourself even when you are met with uncertainty so that you can become exactly who you dreamed of being in your life. Don't limit yourself by logic and the collective fears of others. What matters is your vision and how that vision makes the world better, one courageous step at a time.
Peace.
-Tania Pomales (and friends) 😁
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